Motivational Monday – Are your friends, really your friends?

Are your friends, your friends?


The most important, universal language is love.

There is no greater power than love. Love is a healer and has the capacity to heal old wounds and cleanse you of any negativity that does not serve you.

Love is powerful enough to make you whole. A lot of us start off being whole as children, almost like a full wheel of cheese and as we go through life, the experiences and the hardships that we face, drill holes in our cheese leaving us wounded, and scared.

Relationships with others can take up many forms, of love.  I want to spread some insight this morning and touch on the most important thing I’ve learned, about friendship, in my life that made me the woman I am today.

I have friends ranging from just as little as the age of 16 to friends, aged 60 and I love talking about life experience and hearing so many fascinating stories. You can gain so much wisdom listening to the experience of the elderly and you can gain understanding of the new generation from someone younger.

One thing that I know for sure is that, as woman we are all the same. We go through a lot whether it is, in regards to body image, awareness and self-acceptance, confusion about direction and future

Or Dating (choices, relationships, break-ups, sexual activity / Divorce-related challenges

Even from Peer, media & self impossed pressure and social isolation, bullying, and so on, we all go through a lot. Some, more than others but we all experience it.

Of course, men also go through just as much but I can only speak from a woman’s point of view.


This post was inspired by a conversation I had with a dear friend and it was the first time she opened up to me about her fears, hopes and dreams for her future and I remember her words, perfectly as she sad, deeply hopeless. “Mez, I can’t open up like this to any of my other friends. They acknowledge what I’m saying but they dismiss it and start discussing themselves. No encouragement, no advice, just a simple “Hmm” as a reply.” so I no longer want to do, what I wanted to do. But speaking to you has motivated me. After we get off the phone I’m going to plan my next step”

And in that moment, I was saddened. It saddenes me because as we spoke on the phone, she was enthusiastic, willing and passionate whilst telling me her ideas but I could hear the fear and discouragement in her voice because she voiced her ideas to people who didn’t really show interest so she was unsure if I would. My message today is, have a sense of awareness, for others. Think about a time, where a friend may have come to you with an idea, did you encourage her? Did you motivate her? Or did you just dismiss it. It’s so important as women to encourage each other. So many friends are not friends.

So many friends will bring you down, tear your joy, just to make themselves feel good about their unhappy state. So many will cheer you on but carry envy in their hearts. Some will even pray for your failure and speak wicked words into existence behind your back.

Lucky enough, as humans, we have been giving the intelligence to sense when something is not right, so if you take anything away from this post…is be observant.

And if you are reading this and one person comes to mind then you know what you got to do.

Cut the cord.

Understand that if they don’t add value to your life or help in the direction that you’re heading, – if they can’t encourage you and be your biggest cheerleader, – if they can’t fathom the idea of you potentially being something beyond what you are now, and if you’re friendship is not reciprocated, and they don’t do what you do for them, then their time is done. You can’t afford to waste any more time than you already have, feeling discouraged and uninspired by your friends.  When I give out the advice, a lot of people say but I’ve known this person for x amount of years. But I tell you this, I can meet someone tomorrow and they could change my life in so many good ways, and have so many good intentions then the friend I’ve known for 20 years +.

Time means nothing, character does.

The power of encouragement and support is so necessary and important when it comes to friendship because, sometimes you may be the only support they have. Think about that.

“Three things will last forever — faith, hope and love — Corinthians ‪13:13

Best wishes

Holmest Ditoma



To my dear friend who inspire this post, I love you unconditionally Trust in you as I trust in you.  You were born to be great.


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