“Whitney Come Get Your Man” – Knowing Thy Self.

Let me tell you now, I’m pissed!

So yesterday, I came across this picture that so happen to be trending everywhere on twitter which just infuriated me so of course, I called my soul sister Loz The Libra, and this was the conversation that came.

I’m pissed because, what we keep doing, not just as woman but as people is play this blame game. We have the tendency to drop responsibility and shift it onto another person when in fact its two people in a relationship meaning two people are equally responsible for what goes into a relationship. It’s so easy to point the finger. “I put up with so much in the relationship,  I put up with that” and flip the blame.

Believe me, we’ve ALL been there and done it but you got to ask yourself, how the hell did you get there in the first place?

Now I didn’t have the intention to actually write this blog post but I channeled my anger on my snap-chat and everyone kept popping me up saying, why don’t you write a blog post about it so here I am.

Knowing Thy Self

The question that you have to ask yourself is, what is it about you that you are attracting “less”? Because lets be real. You attract who you are.

You don’t attract anything less, you don’t attract anything more. We attract who we are – You are the mirror opposite of your partner so if there’s something in that person that is broken and insecure then honey, there is something in you that is broken and insecure.

I’m speaking especially to my generation because I feel like they need to hear this.

YOU MUST TELL YOURSELF OFF. You must check yourself, because it is YOU that is bringing these people into your life, and its YOU that accepting less than you deserve therefore the consequences are apparent.

Recognize the pattern.

This picture actually speak wonders.

You choose whether you pick the rope of pearls or the rope of POO



Let’s be clear, we ALL do want to be in a loving, trusting, safe (because a lot of these relationships nowadays are no longer safe to be in) but we all want healthy relationships but the truth of the matter is –  some of us don’t even know what that is.

Many of us are brought up in households where we don’t see a healthy relationship between man and woman.

We are brought into this world and we have no control over who our parents are with and how they got into their situation-ships. And as children – we are looking at the examples that we see in real life.

Yeah we can watch Cinderella, sleeping beauty all we like – but that’s not the reality. The reality is, in majority of homes nowadays, most of our parents are, single parents – most of our parents are in marriages where they don’t really communicate properly etc. – who don’t show trust, who don’t show love  and then we go out into the world thinking YES I’m going to go and get a man that loves me but WE really don’t actually know what love looks like.

When I think about the men are trash hashtag, it makes me laugh because I’m not longer in that space where I think men are trash,  but I’ve understood that it’s not that man are trash….. The question you should be asking is

What was wrong with me to attract this person?

We have to be very transparent with ourselves. We have to remember a real relationship – as cliche as it may sound, it begins with thy self.

It begins with knowing thy self. It starts with you. Because if you knew yourself and you loved yourself,  respected yourself then you would have never settle for less than you deserve because your partner that will mirror how you feel about YOU!

You wouldn’t let anything come into your way that treats you less than how you should be treated because your going to protect yourself out of love for yourself.

I was just thinking about how many times, I’ve called all my friends in the past and I’m blaming all these guys – “this one is trash, that one is trash”. How many of us is GUILTY OF THIS?  But really I did not communicate with anybody my wrongs.

I couldn’t say, “do you know what, Girl I picked wrong because to be honest with you, i don’t really know what I’m looking for because i don’t really know myself properly”


Nowadays there is no passport checks. People  CAN JUST come in and out of your life as they please without any passport checks. There’s no passport security check. Does he even have VISA to even be allowed to come in? Does he even have valid passport?

Is it expired?

But he has been able to come into the country (your life) anyhow, as he pleases,

Eh! Donald triumph will be pissed !!!

We are letting these people into our lives without any control but to every problem there is always a solution, and the solution starts with YOU! You need to learn how to break the cycle and just say absolutely NO!

We as people who still hold hurt in our heart need to learn how to say ‘NO, “I’m fine, I’m focusing on knowing thy self, I’m  UNDERSTANDING layers of myself that I didn’t understand…..

I’m healing myself again honey because  i was exposed to so much  and in affect has  broken me down And I can’t go into any relationship with broken pieces waying me down.”

i’M GOING in whole and strong honey and I’m only going to accept a man that is a reflection of how I feel about me and I am falling in love with myself more and more everyday.

Once we start taking responsibility as young adults then we can start. Making changes in the way woman are perceived, in the way men are perceived, in the way our black man are perceived.  Everything changes when you change.

We ourselves we have to admit, that we are broken that we are also insecure that we have been exposed to trash and in that, fix ourselves, heal and make a vow to never settle for less again


Curtesy of @LozTheLibra

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