The Disease of the Lukewarm Christian – Diary Entry 1
So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
So I have been struggling with this battle for a long time and I guess it’s stronger then ever now as I feel like God deliberately silenced my friends and got rid of my distractions knowing that I would draw closer to him. There’s been a tremendous flash of different signs, if it’s not people on the street, giving out leaflets with “turn to God or an actual road with a poster saying God leads the way. I can’t even remember where I saw that. All I know is that I remember. But now I actually put two and two together… I never use to think God would even contemplate talking to me because of my sins but in the last days or so, he has spoken to me (not through words but through signs).
I feel like it’s definiatly time but at the same time I want to be sure. Jesus wishes we were either one or the other!” totally indifferent towards Him than halfheartedly for Him. I don’t want to do things half heartedly I guess that’s what stopped me in the past.
But as I get older and going out, drinking and smoking no longer appeals to me and I’m opening up the chapters where, my career is my main focus, I know for a fact that without God, I won’t be able to do it. Now I remember listening to my pastor say something along the lines of “many people would like to have the hand of God working in their life but they don’t actually want to be committed to him.
And that touched me because, my favourite story is Abraham & Moses story from the bible. I love how they had that direct contact with God and relationship with God. It’s described that people won’t live to see the face of God but yet in the bible it says Moses was face to face with the lord. (Shows how close their relationship was) they were best friends in a sense. Imagine that? A life where you no longer worry about death or bad things because you got that closenet relationship with God where you know that he will never forsake. Of course now I know he will never forsake me but imagine, being that close with Christ that you can hear his voice.
For a LONG time I’ve wanted to change my life because I’ve reached a point where I feel like I’ve experienced it all and yet I still feel empty. I’ve turned to things like Drinks the peer pressure of drugs, seeking love in all the wrong places, sex and trusting all the wrong people.
Clearly I was looking for something. And it wasn’t myself, I know myself. I wouldn’t be able to identify my wrong patterns and what I was missing, if I didn’t. It was God, and God was looking for me.
And I’ve reached a point where I’m making a conscious decision to reshape my focus and renew my mind and focus on being the woman that God wants me to be. That’s what I’ve always wanted.
I’m closer than ever to truly giving my life to a Christ. There’s just a few things that I got to learn and that I’m learning which my church community is helping me understand.
Now that’s not to say its not a struggle. Our lives will always be a struggle to say “no” to our old way of life and its temptations and setting our hearts and minds on the new way of life. This struggle will not end until we are with him in heaven. But God is there working in you according to his plans and purposes (Phil 2:12-13) – so hang in there!
It’s my start that I would love to share with you, I hope that my friends support me in my decision.